Dec 022014
 

I wanted to love the Euphoralove from Blush Novelties. I really did. It seduced me with it’s promises of flexibility and more power than its predecessor, the Euphorajoy. A flexible vibrator? More power?! Awesome! But no. No it’s not awesome.

There’s a few aspects that are awesome. The Euphoralove is rechargeable, completely waterproof and bendy. It’s made from a matte, silky soft silicone and doesn’t attract copious amounts of lint. I want to rub it on my face. It comes in a nice sturdy box with magnetic closure and a storage pouch. Included is a wall charger and the USB cord. This is ideal as I live in Australia and although I have a socket adapter, I prefer to use USB cords with one of the 3 billion USB charger plugs I have.

It’s not a gross dull pink, neon magenta is how I would describe it. The controls are simple to use, with a button fully dedicated to turning it on and off. Press the on/off symbol to turn it on, then the other zig-zag button to go through the settings. They even make satisfying clicky sounds.

Blush Novelties EuphoraLove

It’s not too small, the insertable length isn’t laughable like some vibes, sitting at about 14cm. The Euphoraloves bulbous tip isn’t intimidating, a slim but perfect 12cm. Overall the shape is very pleasing in a simple kind of way.

The Euphoralove had all the makings of being a great vibrator. It’s not intimidating, the size isn’t overwhelming, it’s easy to use, not too rigid but not too soft. It even comes with a 5 year warranty, alas, it just doesn’t deliver. 

The vibrations are weak. Really weak. So much so I haven’t been able to orgasm from the Euphoralove on its own. I’ve run it from full charge to completely flat trying. The vibrations are so buzzy, they don’t penetrate deep into my loins like I want them to. There’s seven vibration settings and they’re all useless. I tested it both internally and externally, hoping one would wield positive results. Neither did.

Externally the settings were like this:

Speed one: I think it’s on. It could be a bumble bee softly tickling me with its wings.

Speed two: I can hear it now but I cannot feel it.

Speed Three: I can feel it a little bit. It’s lightly buzzing my labia.

Internally was slightly better:

Speed one: There’s two bumble bees tickling my labia.

Speed two: I can feel it but it’s not pleasurable. Time for kegel exercises (the shape is really nice for that)

Speed three: I just want to feel good damnit.

There’s also all your average patterned settings. They’re about as exciting as the steady ones.

Despite not being able to feel them, they still numbed me. With the Euphoralove the only way I could manage to feel the vibrations was to press it against bonier areas so it felt somewhat like it was rattling against my bones. There wasn’t much pleasure derived from it, but at least I could tell it was on.

I managed to squeeze out one orgasm, with the Euphoralove jammed in my vagina and Mona on my clit.

I was so excited about the flexibility aspect which turned out to be much less exciting and much more annoying than I had imagined. I prefer softer things vaginally, rigid vibes can feel a bit too hard sometimes. Sadly though, because of the Euphoraloves weak vibrations, the awesomeness of having it be flexible was very much not-awesome in practice. It meant there was no earning brownie points for still hitting my G-spot, because it didn’t. I couldn’t force it hit my G-spot either as it just conforms to my shape. I found the pattern settings to be more noticeable internally, but nothing spectacular. I found myself bored every time I used it. It just did nothing.

On my clit I couldn’t feel it. If I pressed it hard against me it felt awkward because of how I had to hold it at the tip. Holding and pressing also lead to the vibrations that were there being dispersed even more, therefore weakened further.

I’d like to comment on it’s noise level, its been hot here and I can’t hear anything but the multiple fans I have on, but it’s flat and I have no desire to recharge it.

There’s swirls on the side of the Euphoraloves body, which somehow manage to collect vag gunk. The aesthetic quality could be better. The metallic ring surrounding the buttons looks cheap and where the plastic bottom meets silicone is not a smooth transition. On the upside, it’s relatively seamless.

Unless you’re extremely sensitive, I can’t recommend this vibrator, especially not at its asking price of $80. You can find stronger vibes for $20.

 

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Thank you to Blush Novelties for sending me the Euphoralove in exchange for my honest and unbiased review.

 Posted by at 11:55 pm

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