Dec 092014
 
Photo of the Picobong transformer gender neutral sex toy vibrator

The PicoBong Transflower

When I first received the email about the PicoBong Tranformers impending release I was immediately reminded of a bendy pencil.

Like a bendy pencil, the Transformer is for everyone. There’s no ‘this is for MEN‘ or ‘women LOVE the transformer because it’s SO FEMININE like a cupcake with PINK icing and GLITTER BALLS‘. Honestly I’m still a bit confused as to what Lelo (PicoBongs mother company) is trying to accomplish. First they release the Transformer, designed and marketed as a gender-neutral toy, but then Lelo releases the Pino cock ring that’s “specifically for super manly men bankers who drink so much they can’t keep it up without an overpriced cock-ring” (that’s my interpretation at least).

The Transformer unlike the rest of the PicoBong family is rechargeable, and then Lelo releases a battery-operated toy? Ahhh Lelo I don’t understand you at all.

Alas, I am not here to ponder the wonders that are the Lelo marketing choices. I am here to review a bendy pencil. I mean, sex toy.

The PicoBong Transformer is, in reality, more like a bike-lock. It’s a long thick cord with two vibrators on either end. It’s made from body-safe silicone, is completely waterproof, and USB rechargeable. Water-based lube is recommended and it can be cleaned or sterilized the same as any other silicone vibrator. It comes in three colours; black, pink and yellow. The packaging for the Transformer is simple and suitable for storage if you don’t care too much about discretion as there is a see-through window on the front.

The Transformers main selling point is its flexibility, claiming to be millions of sex toys in one. The cord is thicker than I imagined, very similar to the size of a bike-lock but stiffer. You’re supposed to be able to shape the Transformer however you like and go to town. There’s a few issues I find come along with this in use.

For a start, it’s not the easiest to shape. It can be finicky and its all guesstimations as to what will work. I mostly give up on any twisty fancy stuff because it never ends up right and I’m left pulling it out and adjusting it forever. Secondly, the shapes don’t hold very well. When I’m jiggling it, as thrusting does nothing for me when it comes to the Transformer, it jiggles away the shape. So I have to re-shape it. Again. And again. And then again. I really don’t enjoy having to put this much effort into getting off.

The Transformers vibrations are average. They’re not terrible, they’re almost rumbly but not all that powerful. They get buzzier on the higher speeds. I can orgasm from the higher vibrations, but only just, and the orgasms are mediocre. There’s plenty of speeds to choose from but even with my sensitive clit, I always find myself on the highest wishing there were just a couple more. At least it’s not overly loud, the last few speeds do get a little noisy but not enough to be detectable through a shut door.

Using the Transformer externally is a chore. You can’t choose which end vibrates, they both vibrate always. Want to just warm up with one tip before moving on? Too bad. The Transformer is about 25″ long. If you use one end then you’re left with the other hanging around vibrating. I’ve tried jamming one each side of my clit which doesn’t work for my body and causes them to pinch. Laying it against my vaginal opening doesn’t work because it doesn’t stay in place.

The upside of the length means I can leave one up near my boobs and the other on my clit (which looks absolutely ridiculous). This is alright because the controls are on one of the tips so then I don’t need to pull it away from me to change settings. The Transformer is easy to operate. There’s three buttons; (+), (M) and (-). Hold the (+) to turn it on and increase speeds, the (-) to decrease and hold it down to cycle off, holding both (+) and (-) for three seconds activates/deactivates the travel lock. The (M) switches it to patterns and also takes you straight to full power with a double-click. Some of the patterns are cool, like the ones that alternate between the two ends, but they did nothing for me. I think they’d feel best inserted in both holes, to feel it reverberate back and forth.

I’ve found the only semi-comfortable way for me to use the Transformer is to make a ‘C’ shape. One end inserted in my vagina and one bent onto my clit, then jiggling it so it stimulates my G-spot. There are, once again, downsides to this. Because the shape doesn’t hold properly, I have to keep re-bending it. It slips in too far and pokes me, it slips out, I have to adjust the one on my clit damn near constantly. The end with the controls is the one I use externally, and although the buttons don’t stand out, the marking on them can be uncomfortable against my clit, its feels scratchy.

The other end has ‘PicoBong‘ etched into it. On the insertable portion. Why do companies ever think this is a good idea? There is a whole cord it could be on, but no, gotta put it on the part that comes directly in contact with lube and bodily fluids. Scrubbing period blood out of a logo is not something I enjoy doing. If a toy can’t handle my period then what’s the point.

The transition from the vibrating tip and the cord is not smooth, there is a lump, and I feel it. It digs into my vaginal walls and opening, pinching me. This leaves me unable to even insert the whole end without it hurting. When it slips in too far, it causes this sensation and I hate it.

I haven’t used it anally, I don’t want to. It pinches my vag, I don’t want it to pinch my butt too. Not to mention the goddamn emblem, period blood is enough I don’t wanna be scrubbing anything else out of it. I’m glad I don’t have to attempt using it with my boyfriend as a cock ring because I think he’d get so frustrated he might just strangle me with it.

I have, however, used it as both a headband and as a scoop to retrieve a sea sponge tampon that was too far in for me to get out by hand.

The cord has started making squeaky sounds and I will never have it be straight again. This isn’t such a big deal, I imagine it’s just par for the course of having a bendable toy.

Another notable thing is when pressure is applied to certain points, the vibrations go from a normal vibration to a very thuddy vibration. I’ve contacted PicoBong and they’ve passed the question along to the factory to see if it’s a normal part of the toy, I’ll update this when I hear back. Normally I wouldn’t post a review with something like this left unanswered, but the rest of the toy is a pain in the ass anyway and no amount of good and stable vibration will change that.

The PicoBong Transformer does its best to ruin any pleasure I can get from it with its difficulty. It’s an unwieldy pain in my vag and you’re far better off using two separate toys.

transformer_930x336

I received this item free-of-charge in exchange for my honest and unbiased review. Thanks PicoBong!

 Posted by at 6:00 am

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