Aug 302016

Topco Ultrazone ParadiseInitially I was attracted to the UltraZone Paradise 9x due to its design. It’s a lovely purple silicone vibrator with a few bloops. The shape reminds me of a pea pod, which I thought was cute; apparently I’m wholly incapable of resisting anything even remotely adorable.

I didn’t expect the greatest toy ever, as I mentioned in my review of the TopCo Ultrazone Eternal I find manufacturers who produce many designs tend to have crappier motors. For me a crappy motor is a buzzy motor as it feels unpleasant and is never truly enjoyable.

The Paradise managed to have not only an extremely buzzy motor but the vibrations consist almost exclusively of patterns. Continue reading »

 Posted by at 5:37 pm
Aug 122016


I have only tried one PicoBong toy before, and absolutely despised it. That toy was the Transformer, that now sits in its box hidden away from view. It is only currently in my possession because it’s good for fishing menstrual cups and sponges out of my vagina when they get stuck. I stayed reserved in my expectations for the Kiki 2. I’d been let down by the Transformer and didn’t want to get too excited for something better.

Picobong Kiki 2At first, I was blown away by the Kiki 2. On my initial test I had an awesome orgasm, from Kiki alone. I was incredibly surprised because what the hell? This tiny AAA powered thing? It’s not even rumbly! Sadly, I have not been able to replicate this. Apparently my body was in a mood and for whatever reason got along with the buzzy vibrations, but ever since it’s been totally useless. Continue reading »

 Posted by at 9:59 pm
Jun 162016

Once upon a time, when I tori2began receiving toys for review, the Iroha Yuki was sent to me. Iroha is spin-off brand of toys for vulvas by the popular penis masturbator brand Tenga. Yuki surprised me and I had high hopes for the Iroha+ toys, designed to be the stronger, squishier sibling of the original line. And God bless them, they’ve made me quite a happy reviewer once again.

Tori is a gorgeous crimson shade, with two pointed tips, with one end significantly longer than the other. The shape reminds me of a small bird.

Off the bat the longer end is the only one I can derive any pleasure from as the motor doesn’t direct its power toward the other tip. I can forgive it for this because the shape of the longer end works well. The shape and vibrations lead to it being direct but not pinpoint. It covers enough of my clit that I’m not bad-squirming due to it being too intense on one spot, however it’s also direct enough that I’m not left wanting like with wands, where the head is simply too large to concentrate where I want it to.

Tori works best for me when it’s face down on my vulva, slipped between my labia majora and pressed down right on top of my clitoral shaft. Rarely can I handle vibrations directly on my clitoris and it’s no different with Tori. The shape works wonderfully for my anatomy and needs. If you wanted more pinpoint you could use the very tip, but that’s not my jam. Continue reading »

 Posted by at 4:52 pm
Jun 032016

I’ve worked with the lovely people over at Mimi De Luxe a few times now, on both giveaways and reviews, and we’re once again coming together to bring you another chance to win some sex toys.

This time it’s the Ooh Her name is Rio set by Je Joue. Bad grammar and confusing capitalization aside (maybe just sleep deprivation?), it’s a set I’ve wanted since it first came out. Mimi De Luxe is sending me a set to review, but also providing one for me to give away.

The set includes charger, motor, classic vibrator (15.8 x 3.3cms) and pebble vibe (5.7 x 3.8cms).  Continue reading »

 Posted by at 2:57 pm
May 032016

Bad Dragon Sleipnir Sleipnir is an eight-legged horse. He is the son of Loki and his stallion lover Svaðilfari. I know kneigh-thing else about it, and what I do know I just read off Google; all I care about is the human/beasts magical eight-legged lovechild Horse-Gods penis. Or an interpretation of it, anyway.

Bad Dragon, being the wonderfully perverted company they are, have produced a truly amazing and Godlike toy in the Sleipnir. It lives up to its namesake and provides an experience I’ve not had the joy of feeling before.

I asked for my Sleipnir in a size medium (read: very large) as well as in medium firmness. Sleipnir is a hefty 8 inches in circumference all the way down, with small variances. There’s some texture; beautiful ridges on the bottom half of the shaft, bumps down the underside, light bulges around the rest of the shaft and a glorious ridge at the top. Horse dicks are traditionally blunt-headed with little to no taper and Sleipnir doesn’t differ from this standard. There’s a mild dome and that’s all the taper you get. Sleip gets straight to business. Continue reading »

 Posted by at 8:42 pm
Apr 112016

MEO VERYCLEANWhen I received Meo’s VeryClean spray, I expected it to be yet another bullshit ripoff “toy cleaner” that’s the equivalent of diluted, scented soap. Upon whipping it open and spraying it in my room, I quickly realized
I was wrong as I was hit by the strong, highly distinctive scent of alcohol. I should really start checking ingredients before I spritz things in a small space.

Meo’s VeryClean is basically vodka repackaged. Well, not really, but it has two ingredients: Ethanol and Propanol. The smell is wholly overpowering to me, it is STRONG, pure unadulterated alcohol. I may have gotten drunk from breathing it in.

This, however brutal on my senses, gave me hope that it would be an effective cleaner and disinfectant. There’s a reason they use alcohol swabs on your body before you get a piercing or a small medical procedure.

I regularly have toys laying on my floor that are… crusty. I’ll wank then throw them down there, too lazy to get up and scrub them. The instructions on the VeryClean bottle says something like; spray it on, rub it in and make sure it stays damp while you’re rubbing it for 60 seconds. This method proves highly effective, even on my vaginal-juice crusted faux wangs. Continue reading »

 Posted by at 4:52 pm