Trigger warning: Talk of depression, sick people, self harm, skin picking, trichotillomania and general shitty life things.
I’ve been consistently bad at posting for the last several months. I truly don’t mean to be, but my brain and my body have been doing weird things. My depression has been up and down, I’ve been extremely forgetful and existing in a state of very heavy brain fog for a while now. I could easy fix this issue if I could just remember, and care to, take my ADHD medication, but I need to take the meds for my brain to be clear enough to remember it.
I can’t remember the last time I took my Vitamin D pills. I should, my Vit D levels have been low for years, I imagine it’s a side-effect of agoraphobia and rarely leaving the house. Low Vit D can impact depression, so I know I should take it, I just keep forgetting. Same story with my synthetic thyroid medication; I should take it, hypothyroidism can be detrimental to the mental state, especially of someone with long-standing major depression, it can cause it, but I forget, and I have trouble caring. It’s not that I want to not feel great, I don’t necessarily enjoy feeling so stuck, I just don’t have the energy.
I go to bed at anywhere from 5-9am. I sleep until 6pm. I talk to the family for a while. I usually have a nap on the couch because I’m utterly exhausted. I play with the rats. Then I go to bed and watch YouTube videos or Netflix, the last few days I’ve been reading, until I’m tired enough to sleep. I never feel rested.
There’s sludge in my brain and its making life hard.