Dec 022017
 

 

Quirky design is what Hole Punch Toys are known for. A large helping of fun with your sex utensils. There’s toys shaped like ice cream, a rocket ship, vegetables. Or the one I’m reviewing today, The Serpent and The Rat, which has a snake head… as well as a rat noggin.

If you don’t follow me on Twitter, you are likely unaware that I’m quite the fan of rats. I currently have 21 furry rat children that I absolutely adore. I’ve a rat on my chest as I write this. When asked if I’d be interested in reviewing The Serpent and The Rat, I simply couldn’t say no.

Continue reading »

 Posted by at 5:39 pm
May 032016
 

Bad Dragon Sleipnir Sleipnir is an eight-legged horse. He is the son of Loki and his stallion lover Svaðilfari. I know kneigh-thing else about it, and what I do know I just read off Google; all I care about is the human/beasts magical eight-legged lovechild Horse-Gods penis. Or an interpretation of it, anyway.

Bad Dragon, being the wonderfully perverted company they are, have produced a truly amazing and Godlike toy in the Sleipnir. It lives up to its namesake and provides an experience I’ve not had the joy of feeling before.

I asked for my Sleipnir in a size medium (read: very large) as well as in medium firmness. Sleipnir is a hefty 8 inches in circumference all the way down, with small variances. There’s some texture; beautiful ridges on the bottom half of the shaft, bumps down the underside, light bulges around the rest of the shaft and a glorious ridge at the top. Horse dicks are traditionally blunt-headed with little to no taper and Sleipnir doesn’t differ from this standard. There’s a mild dome and that’s all the taper you get. Sleip gets straight to business. Continue reading »

 Posted by at 8:42 pm
Mar 302016
 

Meo Alpha Male 3When Meo asked if I wanted to review some things for them, I obviously said yes, and I was sent a box of random things they’d picked out for me to try. One of those things, to my joy, was the Alpha Male 3 Stimulator. It’s essentially an Njoy Pure Wand, but from Meo.

I’ve been blogging for while now and I’m still yet to invest in the real Pure Wand due to not knowing whether I’d like it. Solid toys are very hit-and-miss for my vagina. I’m a thruster so they can be quite brutal, because whacking a hard object against your pubic bone repeatedly has a tendency to hurt. I’ve tried to only jiggle them instead but 9 out of 10 times it doesn’t give me the stimulation I need. Metal is heavier than glass, which I imagined would be worse when it comes to my incessant need to thrust, so I hadn’t sprung for any metal dildos, or requested any for review for fear of hating them – receiving the Alpha Male 3 meant I could try it out and see how my body cooperates.

And I wholly regret not buying metal toys in this design sooner.

I kind of love it. A lot.  Continue reading »

 Posted by at 5:32 pm
Feb 292016
 

CP1Sometimes I get sent toys I immediately love, some I immediately hate, both are reviews I enjoy writing. The words come easier when I have intense feelings one way or the other. Then there are toys that confuse me, that I can’t quite pin down how I feel about them. It can be because they’re mediocre and don’t do anything super well, or because every time I use it the experience sways back and forth.

The Colours Pleasures 8″ Silicone Dildo is a toy that could fit in both of those categories.

From the outset I was excited, it’s a gosh darn blue, affordable silicone dildo. That’s something that gets me pumped up. It’s realistic in the veinage but comes in a fun colour so it’s not too off-putting for folk who can’t handle extreme realism. The head looks wonderful, that pronounced coronal ridge screams to me that it’ll stimulate my G-spot. It’s even got a decent girth to it. A suction cup and balls even mean the likelihood of a good place to grip.

Some of that turned out to be correct. Continue reading »

 Posted by at 9:30 pm
Jan 022016
 

FFBOUNCER1It’s no secret I’ve been lusting after the Fun Factory Bouncer since its release. It’s a genuinely unique toy, a dildo with jiggle balls inside, surely the sensation would be one of a kind, and no doubt something I needed in my collection and my vagina.

When I attended Melbourne Sexpo in November a store there had the Bouncer on display; I practically pounced on it, desperate to feel how the balls felt when shaken, and it was even cooler than I imagined it’d be. So when the lovely folk at MimiDeLuxe emailed me asking me if I’d like to review for them again, and I saw the Bouncer on their site, I knew my time had finally come. I was at last getting my most lusted after toy of 2015.

My conclusion is that some type of sex toy alien must have beamed up a Fun Factory employee and branded this idea in their mind, because no human is capable of inventing and successfully executing the creation of something so simplistic, yet magical. I was talking to a reviewer friend on Skype the other week, when I said something damn near blasphemous, that I’m going to repeat here. Continue reading »

 Posted by at 8:48 pm
Jul 292015
 

bad dragon terra the amazon wyvern

Bad Dragon is a company that specializes in fantasy toys. The weens of creatures like dragons and gryphons. But they also have dinosaurs, dogs, horses, sharks, the whole shebang of wangs.

A lot of size royalty gravitate toward Bad Dragon, as they have not only a large range of toys, but also multiple sizes in almost every design. Terra comes in sizes Small to Extra Large. I requested a large for review, as I adore girth and pushing my limits. I was looking forward to conquering the 9.25″ circumference knot. A knot is a bulge at the bottom of a shaft – the idea is taken from that of canine penises that swell during intercourse. Knots can provide a nice pop, a stretched-to-the-limit sensation and are just a lot of fun all ’round if that’s your thing.

However, upon my first session with Terra, I realized I’d overestimated my vaginas ability. Continue reading »

 Posted by at 1:15 am