Jun 032016
 

I’ve worked with the lovely people over at Mimi De Luxe a few times now, on both giveaways and reviews, and we’re once again coming together to bring you another chance to win some sex toys.

This time it’s the Ooh Her name is Rio set by Je Joue. Bad grammar and confusing capitalization aside (maybe just sleep deprivation?), it’s a set I’ve wanted since it first came out. Mimi De Luxe is sending me a set to review, but also providing one for me to give away.

The set includes charger, motor, classic vibrator (15.8 x 3.3cms) and pebble vibe (5.7 x 3.8cms).  Continue reading »

 Posted by at 2:57 pm
May 032016
 

Bad Dragon Sleipnir Sleipnir is an eight-legged horse. He is the son of Loki and his stallion lover Svaðilfari. I know kneigh-thing else about it, and what I do know I just read off Google; all I care about is the human/beasts magical eight-legged lovechild Horse-Gods penis. Or an interpretation of it, anyway.

Bad Dragon, being the wonderfully perverted company they are, have produced a truly amazing and Godlike toy in the Sleipnir. It lives up to its namesake and provides an experience I’ve not had the joy of feeling before.

I asked for my Sleipnir in a size medium (read: very large) as well as in medium firmness. Sleipnir is a hefty 8 inches in circumference all the way down, with small variances. There’s some texture; beautiful ridges on the bottom half of the shaft, bumps down the underside, light bulges around the rest of the shaft and a glorious ridge at the top. Horse dicks are traditionally blunt-headed with little to no taper and Sleipnir doesn’t differ from this standard. There’s a mild dome and that’s all the taper you get. Sleip gets straight to business. Continue reading »

 Posted by at 8:42 pm
Apr 112016
 

MEO VERYCLEANWhen I received Meo’s VeryClean spray, I expected it to be yet another bullshit ripoff “toy cleaner” that’s the equivalent of diluted, scented soap. Upon whipping it open and spraying it in my room, I quickly realized
I was wrong as I was hit by the strong, highly distinctive scent of alcohol. I should really start checking ingredients before I spritz things in a small space.

Meo’s VeryClean is basically vodka repackaged. Well, not really, but it has two ingredients: Ethanol and Propanol. The smell is wholly overpowering to me, it is STRONG, pure unadulterated alcohol. I may have gotten drunk from breathing it in.

This, however brutal on my senses, gave me hope that it would be an effective cleaner and disinfectant. There’s a reason they use alcohol swabs on your body before you get a piercing or a small medical procedure.

I regularly have toys laying on my floor that are… crusty. I’ll wank then throw them down there, too lazy to get up and scrub them. The instructions on the VeryClean bottle says something like; spray it on, rub it in and make sure it stays damp while you’re rubbing it for 60 seconds. This method proves highly effective, even on my vaginal-juice crusted faux wangs. Continue reading »

 Posted by at 4:52 pm
Mar 302016
 

Meo Alpha Male 3When Meo asked if I wanted to review some things for them, I obviously said yes, and I was sent a box of random things they’d picked out for me to try. One of those things, to my joy, was the Alpha Male 3 Stimulator. It’s essentially an Njoy Pure Wand, but from Meo.

I’ve been blogging for while now and I’m still yet to invest in the real Pure Wand due to not knowing whether I’d like it. Solid toys are very hit-and-miss for my vagina. I’m a thruster so they can be quite brutal, because whacking a hard object against your pubic bone repeatedly has a tendency to hurt. I’ve tried to only jiggle them instead but 9 out of 10 times it doesn’t give me the stimulation I need. Metal is heavier than glass, which I imagined would be worse when it comes to my incessant need to thrust, so I hadn’t sprung for any metal dildos, or requested any for review for fear of hating them – receiving the Alpha Male 3 meant I could try it out and see how my body cooperates.

And I wholly regret not buying metal toys in this design sooner.

I kind of love it. A lot.  Continue reading »

 Posted by at 5:32 pm
Mar 142016
 

UltraZone EternalWhen I was contacted by TopCo Toyz to review for them, I went onto their site to have a peek at what they sell. Somehow, among eight million jelly toys, I managed to find a couple of silicone products that caught my eye.

The UltraZone Eternal is a sweet little thing. I saw the shape and could imagine it sliding between my labia, fitting perfectly where I wanted it too. Also one of it colour options is blue. I have a hard time ignoring blue toys.

It’s just as cute in real life. It’s small, but the rather bulbous head looks great, I love the little ridges that are over the silicone portion of the toy. It’s easy to operate as there’s only one button, and it’s rechargeable so I don’t have to worry about finding batteries.

Which is where the first hiccup in this cute parade arises. Continue reading »

 Posted by at 7:09 pm
Feb 292016
 

CP1Sometimes I get sent toys I immediately love, some I immediately hate, both are reviews I enjoy writing. The words come easier when I have intense feelings one way or the other. Then there are toys that confuse me, that I can’t quite pin down how I feel about them. It can be because they’re mediocre and don’t do anything super well, or because every time I use it the experience sways back and forth.

The Colours Pleasures 8″ Silicone Dildo is a toy that could fit in both of those categories.

From the outset I was excited, it’s a gosh darn blue, affordable silicone dildo. That’s something that gets me pumped up. It’s realistic in the veinage but comes in a fun colour so it’s not too off-putting for folk who can’t handle extreme realism. The head looks wonderful, that pronounced coronal ridge screams to me that it’ll stimulate my G-spot. It’s even got a decent girth to it. A suction cup and balls even mean the likelihood of a good place to grip.

Some of that turned out to be correct. Continue reading »

 Posted by at 9:30 pm